An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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