it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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