I think I am morally bankrupt
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
