farters have to be the big spoon...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
