I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
