why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
