How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
