Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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