the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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