Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
