well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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