Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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