Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize