from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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