tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
