You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
