I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
