What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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