Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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