oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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