I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
