foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
