Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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