You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
