dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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