wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
