Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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