just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hippo gnu deer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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