Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
