Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
