I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
