Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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