Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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