YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
