Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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