So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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