roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She told me I should be a condom model.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
