fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
