Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
