all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
