if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
