it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
