shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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