YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had to coat check the pizza.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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