By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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