I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
