i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize