one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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