I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
