i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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