i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
