smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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