You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
