I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am one with the molecules
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
