Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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