your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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