he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize