hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
