Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
