Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
