I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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