I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
