So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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