so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
