You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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