Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
