I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
