I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
